September 16

It's Monday. The weekend was NOT good, but it could have been worse. I was conscious of every bit of food I put in my mouth, and I must admit that a LOT of it made me feel guilty :( BUT.... at least I am paying more attention, and as long as I keep on doing that, eventually those bad habits will turn into good ones. I just have to never stop trying, and to always be aware of the food/drink I am consuming. I got my morning invoices done, so I decided I was NOT going to sit here at work through my lunch hour, and I went to the local walking park and walked for 1.12 miles. Of course, I took my camera with me, so there were frequent stops to take photos.

I will keep on trying, trying, trying, to lose the bad habit of eating so much after supper!! Oh... I'm down 2 ounces from last week. It should have been 2 pounds if I had stuck with my plan to a TEE, but every little loss counts, so I'll take it!!

Sept 13, 2013

Well, yesterday wasn't such a good day :( I was okay, and under budget, until after supper. Then for some stupid reason I decided to continue eating, probably adding another 500 or more calories to the days allotment. Then, I woke up a few times during the night with a splitting headache... and the runs :( I'm not feeling so great today, but I was finally able to take some pills that will hopefully alleviate the headache, and I'm just now (it's 11 am) eating my breakfast of scrambled eggs and spinach, and a tomato, and plan to just do my best to stay on plan for the rest of the day. Weekends are always a problem, but I'm going to pick up some groceries after work, with an emphasis on veggies and more lean protein. I took a little bit of time out of my busy morning to make this pencil sketch of my beautiful daughter.

I hate myself

Today I went to Kohl's. I needed to get some new pants for the upcoming fall/winter season. I've been living in capris for the past 5 months, and I know those will not cut it much longer. Needless to say, after trying on the jeans in the dressing room, I was thoroughly disgusted by what I saw in the mirror. It's 3 hours later, and I've barely been able to stop crying - I hate myself beyond belief :( So I thought I had better do something to really get serious about losing this weight. I actually started yesterday by eating low carb, with a total of about 10 carbs for the day. But after seeing myself in that full length mirror, I know that I have to do more than just "TRY" to watch what I eat...I need to actually write about my attempts, too, and that's why I've started this blog. I plan on continuing to use LoseIt to track my food nutrients, and, in addition, I am going to try to take a picture of EVERYTHING I eat. My morning weight was 237. I know that may not seem like much to many, but to me it's devastating. 3 years ago I was at 185, and thought I was fat then.... oh, to have those days back!!!! Yes, 185 was overweight, but 237 is OBESE, and that disgusts me. In 7 months, I'll be 50 years old, and although I have more than 50 pounds to lose, I hope to get as close to that goal as possible by my birthday. That will put mt at 187, and then I will allow myself up to an addition year to lose at least 40 pounds more, so that I can be a "healthy" weight of 147. It's going to be a long, very hard journey, but I pray I can do it.